Dear The Real Starky,
I’m writing to tell you that you aren’t funny anymore, and it makes me sad because I used to love you man! When you came out of the gate and made fun of Andrew Starykowicz, THAT WAS AWESOME!! My internet friends and I hate that guy. I can’t remember why exactly, but it was so sweet when you ripped him and spoke in all caps. We also loved it when you made fun of Chris McCormack for running a Thai massage parlor and when you ripped Chris Lieto for self-promoting. It was soooo fun when you made fun of people we dislike! I retweeted you like a billion times, bro!
But then you started in on age-group sponsorship and people reporting their workouts and it started to hurt my feelings a little because I’m an elite age group athlete and I like to talk to my internet friends about training. Why do you have to be a dick about it?!! Then you made fun of Dave Scott, calling him washed up. We all told you it wasn’t funny, but then you just kept on writing Dave Scott jokes. It’s like you didn’t even care what we thought and were just trying to amuse yourself. That’s so selfish!!
The last straw was when you called people out for being sneaky about getting tons of followers. Fuck you man! I have a lot of followers and it took me a long time to get there. I can’t explain why, but it makes me feel good about myself, kind of like I’m famous or whatever. Who are you to judge me?!! Why couldn’t you just make fun of everybody else, except for me and my friends?!!!
I thought we were going to be internet friends. I thought you’d retweet me. I thought we could get an apartment together, but you ruined everything by being an ASSHOLE!!!