In what I thought was a cruel April fool’s joke, I was inundated with tweets regarding Craig Alexander’s deal to endorse Chocolate Milk. Given my history battling the evil chocolate empire, I would have been less disappointed if Crowie decided to produce snuff films or run a puppy mill. That said, he has got to make a living, and I’m sure the money was right. The brother’s got to stack that cheese right now before he’s Dave Scott. I get it.
Triathlon is drowning in chocolate milk, and it’s gone too far. This unchecked aggression will not stand, man. These rug pee-ers are funding the most aggressive and ridiculous marketing campaign since DeBeers convinced young men to spend a fourth of their annual income on an engagement ring. ChocoMilk has the wealth, obviously, and the resources to convince you to drink their brown piss, but I’ve had a really long day and I hate the fuckin’ Eagles. So, chocolate milk, are you ready to be fucked?!?!
Yesterday, I noticed that I followed 55 individuals who also follow the @GotChocoMilk account. I threatened them with an #unfollow if they continued to follow chocolate milk. I can decrease the numbers slightly, but together we can knock them the fuck out. How? Be a champion and repeat what I did. Make your followers choose between your followership and Chocolate Milk. You’re either with us or you’re with the terrorists.
Your tweet could read like this: Friends don’t let friends follow chocolate milk. This time tomorrow, I will #unfollow anyone who follows @GotChocoMilk. #UnfollowChocoMilk
No one in the triathlon media will cover this stunt, but I will reward you for your participation. If you give your followers this ultimatum, you will earn an elusive follow from @therealstarky. Just use the hashtag #UnfollowChocoMilk, and I will find you and follow you. If I already follow you, you will earn a get out of #unfollow free card. Also, now through Friday, you can save 25% on The Real Starky Meshback Trucker hats by using the promo code CHOCOLATEMILKSUCKS.
Dress well enough to be called champion.